I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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