i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
