this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the raccoons are back...
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