6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
