If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
