I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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