Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
