It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
