what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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