So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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