I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
