I want to walk on stilts...naked
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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