my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
