Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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