Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
