remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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