how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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