..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
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I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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