"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
