we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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