My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
what is it with giant penises always finding me
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Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
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The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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