it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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