do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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