i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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