just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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