It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
