how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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