Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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