I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
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too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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