I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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