Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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