i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
