Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He passed out mid-signature
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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