just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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