Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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