After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.