Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish you could order shots online.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
