I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
