well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
