If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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