I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
