Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize