Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
