I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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