we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
