shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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