I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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