i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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