Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
