There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
