Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
