are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
