It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
