Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
