I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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