I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
