hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
