Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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