I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
