Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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