Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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