Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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