Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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