its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
