I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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