I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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