IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
