you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
