I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
