You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
