Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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