i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
