Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I would ride that face into the sunset
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