That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
