Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
