So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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