We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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