im drinking this country out of the recession.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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